Saturday, December 27, 2014

Man She Met on Dating Site Beat and Raped Her

(USA) A petite, disabled Army veteran and single mother stoically told a judge how a man she met through an online dating site brutally beat, choked, raped and sodomized her after she invited him into her home.

She was testifying during a bond hearing for Corderell St. George, who’s charged with rape and false imprisonment in the Feb. 5 incident. He has been held without bond in the Muscogee County Jail since his arrest Feb. 28, and defense attorney William Kendrick tried to persuade Superior Court Judge William Rumer to set a bond so St. George could be released.

After hearing from the victim, Rumer declined.

The victim testified that after the assault, she helped police track St. George down by posting a fake profile to the online dating site “Plenty of Fish,” through which she first met him. She said he had deleted his old profile on that site and posted a new one, but had not changed his photograph.

Using the fake profile she’d created, she made contact with him, and not realizing who she was, he started making the same pitch he’d made to meet her before, she said.

Prosecutor LaRae Moore cited that testimony in arguing St. George would remain a danger to others were he released from jail. Having attacked the woman in her home, where she still lives, he presents a danger to her as well, Moore said.

The woman described what began as a pleasant meeting. St. George did not drive, and first invited her to his house, saying he had a roommate. His roommate turned out to be his girlfriend, who also testified Thursday, saying he'd been living with her since she met him in November 2013.

The victim said she hadn’t felt comfortable meeting St. George at his home, so as he walked toward her house Feb. 5, she met him halfway and gave him a ride there.

Around 11 a.m., while her teenage son was at school, she and St. George sat at her dining room table, played cards and had a few drinks. He seemed “mild mannered” and “quiet,” she said.

That changed abruptly: “From out of the blue, he hit me,” she said.

Screaming, she ran for her front door and unbolted one of its locks before he dragged her back, saying “Shut up, b---h,” she said. He ordered her to give him oral sex, she said. When she fought back, biting his hand and reaching for a bottle to hit him with, he beat and choked her, she said.
He choked her so hard she began to vomit, both on the pillow on her bed and the couch in her living room, she testified. He pulled a weave from her hair, and their violent struggle destroyed her flat-screen TV and an end table, she said.

Finally she persuaded him she had to use the bathroom, and as soon as she was free, she ran naked out the door to tell her neighbors, who went back in with her to confront him, she said. They found her home vacant and her back door standing open.

Clear to anyone in the courtroom was the disparity between the size of the victim and the suspect. She testified she was 5-foot-1 and weighed 135 pounds. Moore said St. George is 6-foot-6. He reportedly weighed 220 pounds when arrested.

Testifying on St. George’s behalf was a grandmother who said he’d lived with her most of his life, before moving in with the girlfriend. “I’ve never seen a violent side,” she said.

Read more here: http://www.ledger-enquirer.com/2014/04/10/3049777/woman-testifies-man-she-met-through.html#storylink=cpy

Friday, December 19, 2014

Plenty of Fish Online Dating Site Leads to a Rape

By Steve Schmadeke; Chicago Tribune

On a cool fall night in 2009, a 38-year-old west suburban woman went out on a date with a public-relations executive she had recently met online.

The woman was supposed to meet up later that night with her younger sister. But after increasingly worrisome texts — including one that said "please help me" — the sister took a cab to the Lincoln Park neighborhood and with the help of staff finally located her in a hotel room, half naked and sobbing, according to testimony at a trial this week.

On Thursday, a Cook County jury took little more than 90 minutes to convict the executive, Ignacio Carrillo, who prosecutors alleged had drugged the woman before raping her.

Carrillo, 40, still faces trial for allegedly sexually assaulting another woman he met through the same dating site — Plenty of Fish — in 2011. He was charged in both alleged sexual assaults only after the second victim came forward.

Assistant State's Attorney Tom Prisco told jurors during closing arguments earlier Thursday that "under the guise of some sort of romantic evening, he would buy them drinks and then rape them."

"It's been a long five years," the victim told the Tribune after the guilty verdict was announced at the Leighton Criminal Court Building. "I'm glad that someone finally listened."

The victim had reported the 2009 assault at a Lincoln Park hotel to police, but she initially declined to move forward with the prosecution of Carrillo, according to trial testimony. However, she changed her mind when police contacted her after the second victim came forward.

According to trial testimony, Carrillo took the woman to two bars on Oct. 15, 2009, and then a hotel at 601 W. Diversey Parkway, but she remembered only bits and pieces of what happened despite drinking only a glass of wine and a single shot.

When the woman realized she was in a hotel room and tried to leave, Carrillo yanked her back inside and raped her, prosecutors said.

The sister eventually found the hotel she was staying at, grabbed her sister and ran as Carrillo lay "smirking" on the bed, according to testimony.

The victim's younger sister told the Tribune she had to scramble after getting the text that her sister needed help.

"I thank the taxicab driver, wherever he is, for getting me there," she said.

Carrillo, who faces 4 to 15 years in prison, showed no emotion but dropped his eyes when a judge ordered him taken into custody after the verdict.

His attorney, Daniel Radakovich, argued to jurors that the 2009 victim reported being raped because she was disgusted with herself after a one night stand with someone she didn't like.

Prosecutors were allowed to put on evidence at the trial about the alleged 2011 sexual assault to allow jurors to weigh Carrillo's propensity to commit the 2009 rape.

The alleged victim in that case, now 36 and a married mother of two, testified earlier this week that Carrillo ordered her a martini while she was in the bathroom at a Lincoln Park bar while they were out on a date.

She said Carrillo grew angry when she took only a sip from the drink. He poured what he said was olive juice into the drink, telling her to stir it in so she got "the roofie," slang for a date rape drug. The woman testified she thought at the time Carrillo was joking.

After going to another bar — where the woman drank only water — Carrillo raped her against the passenger side door of his Porsche convertible, prosecutors allege. He then wanted to take her to a hotel, but she insisted he drive her home.

"He said this could've been a nice evening, but I ruined it," she testified.

The next day the woman went to a hospital, reported being raped and a nurse called police.

Both women identified Carrillo through his profile on the dating site, prosecutors said.

Thursday, December 11, 2014

Facebook Romance Leads to Murder

(UK)  David Hoyle, of Idle Road in Bradford, hit Rebecca Bamber, 43, with wine bottles at her Widnes home in June then repeatedly stabbed her as she fled.

Chester Crown Court heard Hoyle left the scene calmly after the attack and smiled at a neighbour who was calling 999 while trying to help Ms Bamber.

Hoyle, 39, was given a life sentence and will serve at least 25 years.

Hoyle, who previously had a 15-year relationship with Ms Bamber, contacted her in May through the social networking site.

After they spent the night together at her Mersey Road home, he attacked her. The Crown Prosecution Service (CPS) said Ms Bamber's neighbour raised the alarm after hearing screams coming from her house. He saw the 43-year-old at her window, covered in blood and mouthing "phone the police". The neighbour called 999 and went to the back of her house, where he found Hoyle in the garden standing over Ms Bamber with a knife.

He rushed back to his own house to find something to defend himself with but, when he returned, Hoyle had gone. He then saw Hoyle drive away in his van, who then "chillingly" smiled at him, the CPS said.

The court was shown CCTV footage of the scene, which showed Hoyle leaving calmly while Ms Bamber's neighbour was on the phone to the emergency services. A recording of the 999 call was also played to the jury, in which the man can be heard trying to comfort Ms Bamber, saying: "It's all right Becky, I'm here, the police are on their way, it's all right darling, stay awake."

Police caught up with Hoyle near Runcorn Bridge, but he rammed their vehicles and escaped on to the M56, where he was again stopped before being Tasered. Following his arrest, Hoyle made no comment at interview. He pleaded guilty to manslaughter, but the CPS insisted he be tried for murder. Speaking after sentencing on Wednesday, prosecutor Richard Riley said Hoyle's claim that he had not meant to kill Ms Bamber was "ridiculous".

"Hoyle subjected Ms Bamber to a brutal and sustained attack and clearly intended to do her really serious harm. "She'd been stabbed 11 times with two different knives and three broken bottles."

'No remorse'
He thanked the neighbour "for the courage he showed throughout this dreadful incident. His 999 call was the key to putting a very dangerous man behind bars," he said.

Det Insp Helen Spooner from Cheshire Police led the investigation. She said Hoyle had "shown no remorse". "We will probably never know the real reason behind Hoyle′s actions that day − only he knows why he subjected Rebecca to such a brutal attack in her own home," she added.

Ms Bamber's family issued a statement after the sentencing, saying: "We still find it difficult to believe that Rebecca has been taken from us in such a cruel and violent way. Not only has a mother been taken, but a sister and daughter too.

"It is difficult for us all to come to terms with what actually happened but, as a family, we hope that the conclusion of this court case will allow us some closure as we try to rebuild our lives and move forward."
original article found here

Tuesday, December 02, 2014

More Evidence Online Dating Sites are Dangerous

(U.S.A.) Army lieutenant Peter Burks was killed in Iraq in 2007 but that didn’t stop dating website True.com from swiping his picture and using it in ads to attract women to their website.

The picture was spotted on two ad spots at free dating site PlentyofFish.com with the words ”Military Man Searching for Love” and ”Soldiers Want You!”

The Burks family is now planning to sue both PlentyOfFish.com and True.com for their parts in using the photo without permission.

The family says Burks died just days after the photo was taken and that he definitely didn’t upload the photograph to the website. In fact the photo was being used on a website to help raise funds to provide supplies to troops in Burks’ honor which is likely where the picture was stolen from.

The Burks family also notes that Peter Burks was engaged when he died which makes True.com’s claims of “Soldier’s Want You!” nothing more than a scam to attract users to the site through the use of fake profiles.

In the meantime a representative for PlentyOfFish notes that the website displays ads from hundreds of thousands of advertisers and is not in charge of the ads for those websites. True.com ads were quickly blocked by PlentyOfFish.com after the Burks family notified the website of the issue.

In the meantime True.com’s potential members might want to look for a dating site that doesn’t create fake profiles in order to lure them in.

What might be the most tragic part of the entire ordeal is that True.com founder Herb Vest attacked other dating websites during a 2006 Forbes interview, as he put it at that time:
“We had to establish a wholesome environment for courtship. Internet dating is populated, to a large degree, by criminals and married people.”

It looks like True.com has turned into the exact type of company it hoped to fight against just five years earlier.

original article here

Thursday, November 13, 2014

Why Can't I Let Go of the Cyberpath?

Many of our victims report a complete lack of understanding from therapists, friends & family why they just can't "get over it." These people are re-abusing the victim because they do not understand (or do not want to understand) the effect a Cyberpath (pathological) has on their victims.

Victims are bonded by fear. Fear of finding out the truth AND fear of losing him. This is called Trauma Bonding. (also, look for information on "Stockholm Syndrome")

Dr. Patrick Carne's book THE BETRAYAL BOND - does a fantastic job of explaining this. This might be the very thing that therapists, friends & family refuse to get. But victims vitally need to understand. - EOPC 

letting go Pictures, Images and Photos

"Exploitive relationships can create trauma bonds -- chains that link a victim to someone who is dangerous to them. Divorce, employee relations, litigation of any type, abuse, family and marital systems, domestic violence, kidnapping, exploitation and religious/ verbal/ emotional abuse are all areas of trauma bonding. All these relationships share one thing: they are situations of incredible intensity or importance where there is an exploitation of trust or power."
- Dr. Patrick Carnes

selected excerpts:

by Dr. Patrick Carnes

About Trauma Bonding:
These people are all struggling with traumatic bonds. Those standing outside see the obvious. All these relationships are about some insane loyalty or attachment. They share exploitation, fear, and danger. They also have elements of kindness, nobility and righteousness. These are all people who stay involved or wish to stay involved with people who betray them. Emotional pain, severe consequences and even the prospect of death do not stop their caring or commitment.

Clinicians call this “traumatic bonding.” This means that the victims have a certain dysfunctional attachment that occurs in the presence of danger, shame, or exploitation. There often is seduction, deception or betrayal. There is always some form of danger or risk.

Some relationships are traumatic. Take, for example, the conflictual ties in movies like The War of the Roses or Fatal Attraction. What Lucy does to Charlie Brown (in the comic strip, Peanuts) every year when she holds the football for him to kick is a betrayal we have grown to expect. Abuse cycles such as those found in domestic violence are built around trauma bonds. So are the misplaced loyalties found in exploitive cults, incest families, or hostage and kidnapping situations.

[Victims] who remain with alcoholics, compulsive gamblers, sex addicts, [or Cyberpaths!] and who will not leave no matter what their partners do, may have suffered enough to have a traumatic bond.

Here are the signs that trauma bonds exist in your life:
  • When you obsess about people who have hurt you though they are long gone from your life (To obsess means to be preoccupied, fantasize about, and wonder about something/someone even though you do not want to.)
  • When you continue to seek contact with people whom you know will cause you further pain.
  • When you go “overboard” to help people who have been destructive to you.
  • When you continue to be a “team” member when obviously things are becoming destructive.
  • When you continue attempts to get people who are clearly using you to like you.
  • When you again and again trust people who have proved to be unreliable.
  • When you are unable to distance yourself from unhealthy relationships.
  • When you want to be understood by those who clearly do not care.
  • When you choose to stay in conflict with others when it would cost you nothing to walk away.
  • When you persist in trying to convince people that there is a problem and they are not willing to listen.
  • When you are loyal to people who have betrayed you.
  • When you are attached to untrustworthy people.
  • When you keep damaging secrets about exploitation or abuse.
  • When you continue contact with an abuser who acknowledges no responsibility.

About shame:
An injury to one’s sense of self forges some bonds. The self-injury becomes part of the fabric of the relationship and further disrupts the natural unfolding of the self. When this involves terror of any sort, an emptiness forms at the core of the person and the self becomes inconsolable. No addiction can fill in. No denial of self will restore it. No single gesture will be believable. Only a profound sense of the human community caring for the self can seal up this hole. We call this wound shame.

Dr. Carnes’ book: The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships
The concept of
Traumatic Bonding has also been developed to explain the dynamics of domestic violence relationships. Essentially, strong emotional connections develop between the victim and the perpetrator during the abusive relationship. These emotional ties develop due to the imbalance of power between the batterer and the victim and because the treatment is intermittently good and bad.

In terms of the power imbalance, as the abuser gains more power, the abused individual feels worse about him - or herself, is less able to protect him - or herself, and is less competent. The abused person therefore becomes increasingly dependent on the abuser.

The second key factor in traumatic bonding is the intermittent and unpredictable abuse. While this may sound counterintuitive, the abuse is offset by an increase in positive behaviors such as attention, gifts, and promises. The abused individual also feels relief that the abuse has ended. Thus, there is intermittent reinforcement for the behavior, which is difficult to extinguish and serves instead to strengthen the bond between the abuser and the individual being exploited.


Monday, October 13, 2014


Beware Physical, Financial Dangers of Online Dating

Many look for love but find scams and threats

For many of the millions of Americans who have tried online dating, it is an exciting new way to look for the partner of their dreams. But there are potential physical and financial dangers lurking, too.

Cat Hermansen said her experience with online dating took a terrifying turn when she invited a man she met online to pick her up at home for their first date.

"I told him to have a seat on the couch and I sat down beside him," Hermansen said.

"And he pushed me back... and started pawing at me and everything, and what he didn't know is that I could reach down and I pulled my gun out and I put it in his face right between his eyes."

Hermansen said she feels she would have been raped if she didn't have her gun.

"He jumped up and ran out the door - didn't even say bye."

Millions Look for Love Online, and Many Find It
The latest research finds more than 1,000 dating sites on the Web, and nearly 9 million Americans say they subscribed to dating Web sites during the last year, according to analysts at Jupiter Research.

A few, such as True.com, try to do background checks on subscribers, but most do not. (THERE IS NO NATIONAL MARRIAGE DATABASE OR REAL WAY TO CHECK ON WHAT PEOPLE SAY ON DATING PROFILES! No matter WHAT they or the dating site tells you!)

True.com is lobbying state legislatures for laws requiring background checks or at least clear warnings that users are on their own. But some executives of other dating sites say meeting people the old fashioned way isn't any less risky.

Roses and Champagne for a Scam Artist
But experts warn online daters to look out for their financial as well as physical safety when using the sites.

After signing up for Yahoo.com's dating service, Julia Abrantes received an e-mail from a potential suitor telling her, "I can promise you my everlasting devotion, my loyalty and my respect for a lifetime." The man told Abrantes he was working in Nigeria and eventually asked to borrow money so he could wrap up his business and fly to the United States to be with her.

"I had roses in every room, a bottle of champagne in the fridge," Abrantes said. She waited for hours at the airport, but the man never showed up. "I got in a cab, and I came home and sobbed hysterically," Abrantes said.

When Abrantes started investigating the incident online, she discovered the discussion group Romance Scams. Founder Barb Sluppick says 243 members who responded to a survey said they had lost a total of $2.2 million - about $9,000 a piece.

Abrantes reported her scammer to Yahoo, and the company removed his profile. But when ABC News asked her to check for the man's profile again, she found the same Web site and the same pictures.

The pictures used by the scam artist were actually of a model in Hawaii who had been swiped from the model agency's Web site, Abrantes learned.

Yahoo personals said it acts aggressively when customers report scams. When Abrantes complained for a second time, Yahoo again removed the profile.

"We take offering the best online dating experience very seriously and we … provide a safe and secure environment for singles," Yahoo said in a written statement.

Play It Safe
Experts say that people who choose to date online should use caution:

  • Plan first dates in public places.
  • Make sure friends know when and where you're going on a date and arrange to call and check in at the end of the date.
  • Get a disposable cell phone to use specifically for online dating. If a suitor starts to harass you, you can ditch the phone and get another.
  • Ask a lot of detailed questions. Con artists won't have easy answers and will likely drop out of your life. Do a BACKGROUND CHECK and surf the net for their name, nickname and email address(es) and read ALL the pages!
  • If they tell you, don't speak to "so & so" she's/ he's "obsessed with me, stalking me, scorned, rejected, a wacko", etc. -- MAKE IT YOUR BUSINESS TO SPEAK TO THAT VERY PERSON ASAP.
  • Never send money to somebody you meet online. If someone asks for money, it's time to end the relationship.
  • Don't forward checks or packages to people you meet online. Scammers may be trying to lure you into laundering bogus checks or stolen merchandise.

ABC News' Elisabeth Leamy and Allen Levine reported this story for "Good Morning America."

Wednesday, October 01, 2014

The Four Psychological Stages Of Those Abused by Cyberpaths

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Stage One ~ DENIAL
The victim refuses to admit even to herself, that she has been 'had' or that there is a problem in her online relationship/friendship. She may call each incident an accident. She offers excuses & rationalizations and each time she is played or insulted firmly believes it will never happen again.

Stage Two ~ GUILT
Victim now acknowledges there is a problem, but considers herself responsible for it. She deserves to be used and lied to, she feels because she has defects in her character and is not living up to her predators's expectations.

The woman no longer assumes responsibility for her cyberpaths's abusive treatment, recognizing that no one deserves to be treated badly, used, played or lied to. She is still committed to her online relationship though and stays with her cyberpath hoping they can work things out. During this period she often questions the predator and hopes for "straight answers" because things are starting to not jive or make sense.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Accepting the fact that her cyberpath will not, or can not, stop his predatory & manipulative behavior, the victim decides she will no longer submit to it and starts a new life.

Often involves "telling" and no more secret keeping - by which she can achieve validation that she is not alone or stupid.

Saturday, September 06, 2014



The Story... so far

A bigamist who has at least 10 children to four different women and embezzled around £200,000 while claiming to be a CIA agent was jailed for five years yesterday.

William Jordan, 41, who has five children with his first wife, two with her nanny, two with his bigamous wife and at least one other in the US, wove an elaborate web of lies to con his victims, a court heard.

The IT consultant duped his bigamously married wife, Mary Turner Thomson, of Edinburgh, from whom he conned nearly £200,000 ($391,400. US), by claiming he was a CIA agent seconded to the Ministry of Defence on covert business. During his long absences, he was, in fact, tending to his real wife and his girlfriend, from whom he also defrauded £4,500 ($8,600. US).

Jordan was arrested last November in a police sting near Oxford. Yesterday, at Oxford Crown Court, he was jailed for bigamy, a string of dishonesty offences, failing to register his whereabouts as a sex offender and illegally possessing a stun gun.

The court heard he was convicted in 1997 of three indecent assaults on a girl under the age of 13. Judge Thomas Corrie said:

"You are a con man, a convicted paedophile and a bigamist. You are an inveterate exploiter of vulnerable women, not just financially but also emotionally."
Miss Turner Thomson, 41, who once ran her own consultancy business, met Jordan on an internet dating site in November 2000. She attended court to see him jailed.
She said outside the court last night: "I'm glad its over," adding that Jordan was a "very clever predator and sociopath".
He would communicate using CIA web addresses, show her passes to RAF bases and send e-mails from an address registered at the office of the Deputy Prime Minister, she said.

Miss Turner Thomson, who is off work because of stress, said Jordan was able to do this as he once worked as an IT contractor for the government.

She and Jordan split when she was confronted last year by his real wife, she said.
"I'm glad the judge recognised him for who he is. I hope if there are any other of his victims out there, they too will find freedom though this."

A source close to the police investigation said: "Jordan is very intelligent. With a brain like that, he could have made good money through legitimate means."
Jordan, a naturalised Briton, married his first British wife, Julie Cunningham, in 1992, the court heard. Ten years later, he married Miss Turner Thomson.

Unknown to Miss Turner Thomson, Jordan's real wife was living at nearby Gullane in East Lothian. When Miss Turner Thomson found out about the second home, he convinced her it was a CIA safe house and the woman was a fellow operative.

Jordan also slept with his real wife's nanny. In May 2005, he also struck up a relationship with Denise King, then based in Blackpool. It was his undoing.

Jordan had set up a recruitment firm, registered in his bigamous wife's name, and used this to lure Miss King to Kent with the promise of a better job. He began a relationship with her and obtained her credit-card details as she was a customer.

When he failed to repay money he borrowed, she contacted police and a sting centring on his fraudulent use of her credit card was set up.



Saturday, August 23, 2014

Online Dating? Never Again

by Claudia Connell

Tempted by online dating? You won't be after reading CLAUDIA CONNELL'S hilarious (and cautionary) account

(U.K.) Single? Starting to despair of ever meeting Mr Wonderful? Well, don’t — because, ladies, the world is full of handsome, charming men with six-figure salaries, who are all queuing up to commit to ­people just like you.

The virtual world, that is, not the real world — don’t be daft: men like that were all snapped up years ago.

I’m talking about internet dating, of course, where millions of singletons (and quite a few marrieds on the make) line up to be selected and rejected in a process that has become ­Britain’s most popular way for couples to get together.

Over half of all single people turn to the internet in their search for love. Apparently, some of them find it. I never did and I’ve never met anyone it has worked for either. In the long-term, that is. A stream of endless dates is ­guaranteed. But lasting love? I’m not so sure.

It was 14 years ago, when I was 30, that I first tried online dating. I was single and not in bad nick, but working long hours in a female-­dominated environment meant I never got to meet anyone. Too young for the dinner party set, too old to be hanging out at nightclubs, it seemed like a hopeless cause until a friend of a similar age took me out and confessed her dirty little secret: she’d started to meet men online. She imparted this information in hushed tones, without making eye contact, and then, on pain of death, swore me to secrecy. I don’t think she could have been more ashamed if she’d confessed to drowning puppies.

Nowadays, the stigma surrounding internet dating has all but gone. So many people partake that it has became an acceptable way to meet the opposite sex.

But when I started it was a bit like train-spotting — you’d heard about it, you knew it went on, but the sort of people who did it were a little bit odd and not the type whose ­company you’d keep.

Today, there are hundreds of ­dating sites to choose from, catering for those with all sorts of criteria: ­vegetarians, Christians, single ­parents, sports fanatics, people who like pets. You name it, there’s a site where you can meet your perfect match who shares the same interest. But, 14 years ago, there were only a handful.

I browsed one site before signing up and handing over my money. I couldn’t believe my eyes when they matched me up with dozens of sexy, ­gorgeous hunks whose ­dazzling smiles beamed out at me from the screen.

Posing by their sports cars, keen to tell any prospective ladies that while they had two homes and earned a salary that could single-handedly pay off the national debt, they were still ­sensitive souls who liked to strum their guitars and do parachute jumps for charity.

They seemed too good to be true. They were.

After submitting my credit card details, the millionaire Brad Pitt lookalikes all mysteriously disappeared and no amount of searching ever uncovered them again.

They were, of course, plants, who were there to lure in naive punters. A man signing up for the first time (and I know this because I tried it) would have been greeted with ­pictures of ­Scarlett Johansson ­lookalikes, ­boasting about their ­cooking skills while posing in bikinis.

The first step when joining a dating site is to complete a profile. As I learned, this is a complete waste of time — especially for women. It doesn’t matter if you have climbed ­Everest in your lunch break and ­discovered a cure for cancer — no one will read it.

Some of the profiles are ludicrous. Match.com, the world’s biggest ­dating site, asks dozens of pointless questions that go on for pages and pages.

When I’m looking for a partner, there are certain things I’d like to know, but I don’t really care when he last went to the cinema or whether he likes biscuits.

I filled out my first profile questionnaire in painstaking detail. And, like everyone else online, I claimed to like travel, theatre and photography.

The truth is that I have hardly any hobbies or interests, but I’ve never yet seen a box I could tick that says: ‘Likes sitting in front of the TV, bitching about everyone on screen.’

One question some sites do ask is if you’d like to have children. What a mean trick. If you say ‘Yes’, you’ll come across as some baby-hungry bunny boiler, but say ‘No’ and you’re Cruella De Vil.

Any online dater will stand or fall on the strength of their photo.

And as the average person looks, well, average, they have to boost their chances of success by posting totally ­unrealistic images. So it was that on my first date, I found myself ­sitting opposite a very charming man called Patrick.

He’d claimed online he was 35. He certainly was 35, or thereabouts, in the picture he’d posted. But the man sitting opposite me was nudging 50. He had displayed a picture that was at least a decade old — one of the most popular online tricks.

I didn’t fare much better with the next guy. He looked nothing like his photograph — and there was a very good reason for that. It wasn’t him. It was just some ­random stranger whose image he’d scanned. When I questioned him about this, he snapped: ‘Well, I think we look alike.’

I must have had dates with six ­different men before I met someone I clicked with and who appeared to have been reasonably honest. We agreed to meet again and I went home to tell my flatmate, a ­fellow internet dater, that I had a good ­feeling about this one.

She replied cynically: ‘He’s ­probably back online now, lining up the next one.’ I checked his profile online — it was flashing, which meant that he was messaging someone else. She was right.

And that’s the huge stumbling block with internet dating: there’s too much choice.

There are on average seven women to every man, creating the kid in a sweet shop effect.

Why would a man give any woman a ­second chance when they know there’s six others online just ­waiting for his message?

If you’re a man, you can be as fussy as you want. Didn’t like her earlobes? Never mind. NEXT!

I also never made my peace with the fact I was looking for men via my computer. It felt a little bit grubby and, if I’m honest, desperate. Whenever I started to see someone on a regular basis, I could never bring myself to admit where I’d met him to my friends and ­colleagues. So I lied. They couldn’t believe my success in meeting men at the super-
market, the dry cleaners, on the bus, in the park. I even claimed to have met one man at the zoo. The zoo?! Why on earth did I think the idea of a childless woman cruising for men at the zoo was somehow less embarrassing than admitting the truth?

The longest relationship I had as a result of meeting on an internet dating site was seven months. ­During that whole time, I never went to his home; he always came to mine. He insisted this was because he had a flatmate and as I (by then) was living alone, we could have some privacy. It made sense, though I always had a niggling doubt. One day, my suspicions got the better of me. I searched the electoral roll and uncovered the real reason I never went to his home — his wife wouldn’t have liked it very much.

Of course, married men cheated before the internet came along, but online dating is like an adventure playground for philanderers.

Aged 34, I vowed to give up on internet dating for ever and take my chances in the real world. OK, I didn’t have a date every other night, but it was refreshing to meet people without having first to email each other for a week about our favourite films.

Then, a few years ago, I was lamenting my single status with a younger friend who suggested I join an online dating site. When I regaled her with my horror stories, she insisted that times had changed and I should give it another go. After nearly a decade away, she was right: things had changed. There were hundreds of sites to choose from, all with really ­positive, bouncy names that it must have taken marketing executives hours of brainstorming to come up with.

Names such as Soul Mates, Plenty More Fish, Love And Friends. I suppose Oddballs And Social ­Misfits is never going to attract too many customers, is it? The tedious questions were still there and all the men had user names such as Stud4U or Adonis82.

This time around I noticed that the pictures people had posted had taken a worrying turn.


Around 4.7 million people visit dating websites each year in Britain — and one third of online daters admit to lying in their profile Rather than just smiling into the camera, all the men felt compelled to display images of themselves performing some Action Man-like task. Rock climbing and marathon running were particularly popular.

Meanwhile, the women have decided they must all be fun, feisty Sex And The City type gals and post pictures of themselves in little black dresses sipping brightly ­coloured cocktails with a ­coquettish look on their face. Don’t get me wrong — I don’t want to see pictures of men in their pants, picking their teeth with a takeaway menu. But surely a little bit of reality wouldn’t go amiss?

But no one on an internet dating site is ever allowed to be just an ordinary Joe (or Josephine). The impressive sounding ‘psychological and compatibility matching’ is something that’s become big in internet dating since my time away.

It’s particularly favoured by newcomers eHarmony, who vow that their unique formula will match you with your ideal partner. But given that no one online ever tells the truth, how is that going to work? You might as well match up Pollyanna with ­Hannibal Lecter. In the end, none of these changes mattered because I was breaking one of the cardinal sins of internet dating. I was over 40.

In my younger days, an average 70 men would look at my profile in a day. And that was before online dating was massively popular. Aged 42, I was lucky if I got two. Even men ten years older than me clearly stated in their profile that 39 was their cut-off age.

As I’ve already said, they could afford to be selective. If the same man tried to approach a girl in her 20s in the real world, he’d probably be sent packing but, online, well, he might just be in with a chance.

I quickly realised that when it comes to online dating, there are three age brackets: 18 to 29; 30 to 39; and 40 to 110. During my three months online, I didn’t go on a single date and the only interest I had was from men over 60. I did briefly flirt with the idea of signing up to a site that targeted the more mature dater, but something in me balked at the idea.

I am no spring chicken, but I’m not ready for a life of early-bird ­suppers and cosy nights in watching re-runs of Murder She Wrote. So I logged off and I haven’t looked back.

And unless I hear that George Clooney has joined Match.com and is looking to shack up with a ­British woman over 40 with ­absolutely no hobbies or interests, then I doubt I’ll be tempted back.

original article found here

Saturday, July 05, 2014

NLP, Mind Control and Seduction

We talk a great deal on this site about the seduction techniques used by cyberpaths. Similar techniques are used by seducers offline as well. Anyone - we mean ANYONE - irregardless of how smart or savvy you are - is a potential target.

This doesn't make you stupid, gullible or irresponsible.

These techniques are used by Advertisers, Marketers, Politicians, even Con Men and Success Seminar Gurus. We are exposed to it every day - so much so that we no longer see it. NLP can be a powerful tool -- but in the hands of exploitative pathologicals? LOOK OUT!

Here's some clickable links we hope you read to learn more about the science of everyday seduction:
NLP = NeuroLinguistic Programming
Review of The Art of Seduction
Influence at work -- Site that explains the different tools of influence and how they're used. Based on Cialdini's 7 Principles of influence.
Encyclopedia of NLP -- Defines key terms in NLP, a collection of psychological influence and therapeutic techniques.
Neurosemantics.com -- great online resource for NLP, state control and modelling.
How to Become an Irresistible and Hypnotic Communicator.
Cognitive Dissonance - A definition and how it works. (Something we all do everyday!)
Image hosting by Photobucket

Influence Women With the Power of a Cult Leader! - sound like a joke? Then why do all the cyberpaths sound so much ALIKE??
Seduce Women Using Seduction Techniques
Don Juan Discussion Forum Yes, you were right ladies - they DO discuss how to do it! and this is not the only forum where these predators discuss this stuff

Make Any Woman Sexually Addicted to You - one of Sammy Benoit aka yidwithlid's (first profiled in Feb. 2005) playbooks; verified to us by law enforcement
Life of Brian Not only does he blog about it - he makes a living giving how to seminars.

Erotic Hypnosis & Hypno-Seduction - "
The state of arousal is created to overcome resistance or, even better, to lead the victim of the seduction process to apparently take control of the situation, by performing the physical action ultimately desired by the seducer or the seductress."

The Sage of Seduction are we starting to get the picture here?

Conditions for mind control:
Psychologist Margaret Singer described in her book "Cults in our Midst" six conditions, which would, she says, create an atmosphere where thought reform (online predators 'groom' their prey using thought reform) is possible. Singer sees no need for physical coercion.
-- controlling a persons time and environment, leaving no time for thought (sweeping you off your feet??)
-- creating a sense of powerlessness, fear and dependency ("need")
-- manipulating rewards and punishments to suppress former social behavior ("if you... then I will")
-- manipulating rewards and punishments to elicit the desired behavior (disappearing offline without warning or when you have trouble and need them the most? all TALK no actions to back it up?)
-- creating a closed system of logic which makes dissenters feel as if something was wrong with them (making you feel guilty or that you don't 'love' or 'care for' them if you go against the cyberpath's wishes?)
-- keeping recruits unaware about any agenda to control or change them (comments like: "I would never hurt you, I would never lie to you, I can't believe you think I am lying/ using you...." etc)

(sounds like abuse..... doesn't it?)
"The descendants of Casanova of our time are called Ross Jeffries, Major Mark Cunningham, Rob Johnson and David De Angelo. They organize seminars and then sell audio- and videotapes on which their techniques for the allure and capture of worthy specimen of the female gender are taught.

For our purposes, especially the material by Ross Jeffries is interesting, since his "Female Psychic Attack" - techniques often tap into the power of NLP for eliciting states of arousal. One of the techniques used by Jeffries for states elicitation is the use of metaphors to stimulate images of sexual nature by bypassing the filtering of the conscious mind. [...]

[...] elements that are necessary for creating an emotional basis for a sexual act, really anticipating it, while he is apparently talking about a documentary he saw, and therefore cannot be blamed for explicit sexual talk. The real information gets through the filtering of the conscious and is perfectly understood by the subconscious of the target, who then creates the desired images of sexual content in her mind, intensifying therefore the state elicited through the embedded commands that Ross speaks out.

Our Speed Seducer has developed hundreds of patterns like the one mentioned before, all ready to be used by his students. But these scripts are not the only interesting aspect of Ross' work: Weasel phrases like "if I were to say to you", for example, tend to introduce a daring compliment or proposal while contemporarily providing a step-back path. Ross provides his students with many of these conversational tools. [...]

A folkloristic note about Mr. Speed Seduction: the guy interpreted in Magnolia by Tom Cruise is based on the character of Ross Jeffries, though you will find in that movie no valuable information in regard of his taught material and his seminars (as well as his behaviour on stage) are much different than the one seen in the movie, though he surely is proud of his masculinity. [...] - [quoted from: Keys To Erotic Hypnosis]

Just keep all this in mind when dealing with a cyberpath or anyone online. And realize that while we don't believe in or espouse not taking responsibility - how can anyone be themselves or make informed decisions when they are being coercively controlled & manipulated?

Remember this next time you say "I was so stupid to fall for it" or wonder what red flags you missed or didn't see or even 'what's wrong with me?'.

Like slight of hand - these predators are good at getting you reeled in before you know what hit you. - EOPC

Tuesday, July 01, 2014


(This is merely an attempt to answer the question "WHY did they do this?" This explanation is speculative & by no means final or complete. - EOPC)

excerpted from: "Why Do People Abuse?"

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Understanding Abuse
People have difficulty understanding the motives of people who are involved in abuse. Why people choose to abuse other people is a common question.

Abuse situations must be lived in and experienced before their internal logic makes any sense. However, we can try to do our best to understand.

Why Do Cyberpaths Abuse?
The first question, "Why do people abuse other people?" has multiple answers. Some people internalized a particular relationship dynamic, namely the complementary roles of "abuser" and "victim". They are familiar with and fully understand the terror of being the helpless victim from their own childhood experience. The opposite of being a victim is not simply opting out of abuse; it is instead, to be abusive. Given the choice between being the out-of-control victim, or the in-control abuser, some of these people grow up to prefer the role of the abuser.

As they become adults, they simply turn this relationship dynamic around and start acting out the "abuser" side of the relationship dynamic. By choosing to be the aggressor and abuser, they may get their first sense of taking control over their own destiny and not being at the mercy of others. And the anonymity and disinhibition the internet provides feeds that.

Besides, online - others are only objects, not real people.

Still other people who abuse end up abusing because they have an empathy deficit, either because of some sort of brain damage, or because their innate empathic abilities never developed properly.

Such abusers cannot or will not relate to other people as people, choosing instead to treat them as objects. In effect, they confuse people for things. They treat people as though they were there solely for their convenience and do not otherwise have an independent, important life. Far too easy to do online!

Abusers who treat people in this manner are very likely psychologically ill, incurably so. They may have an antisocial, sociopathic or narcissistic personality disorder, and they may have anger or impulse control issues and addition (internet, sex, love & drama) issues on top of that!

Such cyberpaths may abuse via the net because of the benefits they receive from doing so, for instance, sexual or financial gratification, or the simple allure of power over other people's lives.

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

SCAM ALERT: Stephen Perez AKA Norita Binti Yakob in Malaysia - Affection Love Scam # MY004598HT6

Are you a victim of the affection scam run from Malaysia under the name of Stephen Perez AKA Norita Binti Yakob?

DId you send money to the bank account of Norita Binti Yakob? If so, please email me as we are putting together a group of victims so that the Malaysian Police will take the matter seriously. So far more than $400,000.00 has been scammed, and that number is growing.

Saturday, June 21, 2014


(USA) -- A San Diego judge determined prosecutors have enough evidence against the alleged operator of a revenge porn site for him to face trial on conspiracy, identity theft and extortion charges, a state spokesman said Monday.

Kevin Christopher Bollaert, 27, appeared before San Diego County Superior Court Judge David M. Gill on Monday and returns to court July 16 for what's being heralded as the first case against a revenge porn site operator, said Nicholas Pacilio, a spokesman for California Attorney General Kamala Harris. Bollaert has pleaded not guilty to 31 felony counts.

His attorney Alexander Landon did not immediately respond to requests for comment.

Authorities say Bollaert earned tens of thousands of dollars operating two websites for the scheme.

Prosecutors say at one site, people uploaded nude pictures without permission of those photographed and listed their names, cities and links to their Facebook profiles. When asked to remove photos, Bollaert allegedly contacted victims from a separate website and charged them up to $350. Bollaert voluntarily took the sites both offline when contacted by investigators last year, Pacilio said.

The term "revenge porn" is used because most of the explicit images have been posted online by former lovers in attempts to shame their former partners after a breakup.

The images used can be obtained consensually during a relationship or can be stolen or hacked from online accounts.

The practice resulted in a new California law that makes it a misdemeanor to post identifiable nude pictures of someone else online without their permission and with the intent of causing serious emotional distress or humiliation, though that law was not cited in the charges against Bollaert.

Unlike most revenge porn sites, investigators said Bollaert's requirement that a victim's personal information be included is what led to the identity theft allegations.

Bollaert's also charged with obtaining identifying information with the intent to annoy or harass. The extortion charges are for allegedly charging women to remove those photos through the second website. Victims were unaware that Bollaert was allegedly operating both sites and investigators determined the connection during the probe, Pacilio said.

Authorities say he told investigators during a six-month investigation that he received about $900 each month from online advertising. But PayPal records show he's received tens of thousands of dollars.

In addition to Bollaert, the attorney general has arrested another alleged operator of a revenge porn site. Casey E. Meyering, 28, of Tulsa, Oklahoma was extradited from Oklahoma to stand trial in California two weeks ago, Pacilio said.


Sunday, June 08, 2014

Are Online Threats Crimes or Free Speech?

(U.S.A.)  The Supreme Court of the United States may soon decide whether or not to hear appeals of two cases in with people were convicted and sent to jail for making online threats, even though they later said they didn’t mean any harm.

In one case, Anthony Elonis of Pennsylvania, wrote on Facebook about killing his estranged wife. According to the Associated Press, he said:

 “There’s one way to love you but a thousand ways to kill you. I’m not going to rest until your body is a mess, soaked in blood and dying from all the little cuts.”

The woman testified in court that she feared for her life. Elonis was sentenced to almost four years, and was released on February 14, 2014, according to The Express-Times. 

Email to talk show 

 In the second case, Ellisa Martinez of Florida sent an anonymous email to a talk show host. According to the Connecticut Law Tribune, Martinez said she was:

“planning something big around a government building here in Broward County, maybe a post office, maybe even a school, I’m going to walk in and teach all the government hacks working there what the 2nd amendment is all about.” 

As a result of the email, Broward County schools were locked down for three hours.

Martinez pleaded guilty. The judge sentenced Martinez to two years in prison, and ordered her to pay more than $5,000 as restitution to the police.

In both of these cases, the appellants are arguing that their statements, regardless of the threatening nature, should be protected as free speech under the First Amendment of the United States Constitution.

Threats and custody battle 

A similar case was appealed to the Supreme Court last year. Franklin Delano Jeffries II, an Iraq war veteran from Tennessee, posted a YouTube video in which he played a guitar and sang a song that he wrote about his 13-year child custody battle. The lyrics included:

The best interest ain’t of the child anymore. The judges and the lawyers are abusing ‘em. [Pointing at camera]. Let’s get them out of office. Vote ‘em out of office. . . . ‘Cause you don’t deserve to be a judge and you don’t deserve to live. You don’t deserve to live in my book. 

Watch Jeffries video on Wired.com.

Jeffries posted a link to his video on Facebook and sent links to 29 Facebook users, including a state representative, a TV station. Twenty-five hours later, he removed the YouTube video.

Jeffries was arrested. According to KnoxNews.com, the Knox County Sheriff’s Office determined that Jeffries made “veiled threats” to the Knox County chancellor, his ex-wife and her husband.

Jeffries was convicted for using the Internet to transmit a death threat and sentenced to 18 months in jail, KnoxNews.com stated. Although he had been freed in 2012, he was in trouble again for using cocaine and making threats of suicide and murder on Twitter.

Read: Tweets land ex-soldier convicted in YouTube case behind bars, on KnoxNews.com. 

 Jeffries appealed his conviction for making the YouTube video and lost. Last year he appealed to the United States Supreme Court. His appeal was rejected.

Threatening language online 

In the two new cases, according to the Associated Press, “the Supreme Court is being asked to clarify the First Amendment rights of people who use violent or threatening language on electronic media where the speaker’s intent is not always clear.”

The American Bar Association has published more detail about the Anthony Elonis case, and it’s pretty scary:

After his wife of seven years and two children left him, Anthony Elonis was having a tough time at work, and was even sent home on a few occasions for being too upset to work. He was employed at Dorney Park and Wildwater Kingdom. One of the employees that Elonis supervised, Amber Morrissey, had filed several sexual harassment complaints against him. Elonis then posted a photograph on his Facebook page, taken at the Dorney Park Halloween Haunt, of him holding a knife to Morrissey’s neck with the caption, “I wish.” A supervisor saw this and immediately fired him. Two days after he was fired, Morrissey began posting violent messages about his former employer on his Facebook page. He also posted Facebook messages about killing his wife. Based on these statements, a state court issued Elonis’ wife a Protection From Abuse order. Ms. Elonis testified at trial that she took the threats seriously, and feared for her own and her children’s lives. Elonis’s Facebook threats kept escalating to a point where he was threatening police forces and elementary schools. By this point, the FBI became involved and, when they went to his home to interview him, Elonis refused to speak with them, and posted a message about it later on Facebook. 

I hope that the Supreme Court understands that online threats can be precursors to serious violence.

By declining to hear the Jeffries case, the Supreme Court let his conviction stand. It could do the same thing with the Elonis case, which would mean his conviction would stand as well.

But perhaps the Court should hear the arguments, and then declare, once and for all, that online threats are crimes.

Sunday, May 25, 2014

E-Stalkers On the Prowl

by Rizanuzzaman Laskar

While conventional stalking has received much attention lately, harassment through mobile phones and the internet has grown to be a silent epidemic in the last few years.

The Daily Star has recently interviewed 30 women at random about the issue, and found every one of them has been harassed electronically by ex-boyfriends or strangers.

"It is sexual harassment of the new millennium," said Sultana Kamal, rights activist and former adviser to the caretaker government. “And almost all the victims are women."

Kamal said the anonymity of the electronic communication devices makes it more likely for a person to indulge in stalking. “Some people are turning to these tools to do and say things they otherwise would not do.

The women interviewed were middle and upper class professionals, students and a housewife.

One was a schoolgirl who spent sleepless nights because of crank calls; another was an industrialist's daughter who stumbled across obscene pictures and her personal details on a Facebook profile someone else had opened in her name.

Naima Hossain, a college student, was taunted and teased over the phone for a week by a person she had never met. The stalker, who asked her out several times, threatened to throw acid on her face for refusal.

"That they [stalkers] do not have a face makes it even more traumatic for the victims," said Shamim F Karim, a psychology professor at Dhaka University.

Getting stalked by someone the victim knows can be no less unnerving.

Shamrin Afia Adiba, a BBA student, knew her stalker. For three years, she got taunting phone calls almost every hour.

About the nightmare she had gone through, she said it felt like her life was being slowly poisoned.

The stalker, a jilted male friend working at a telecom operator, used her cellphone number to track her location in real time. He let her know he was watching her, and threatened several times to kidnap her.

Switching to a different operator did not help, as he managed to trace Shamrin's new number through a friend working there.

While no statistics are available to confirm the number of electronic stalking victims, social experts point out that almost every woman using a mobile phone or the internet has suffered abuse at one time or another.

From January to July this year, 44 women reported harassment to the cyber crime prevention cell of the police's detective branch. In response, the police have blocked 46 SIM cards.

The law enforcers however admit that blocking SIM is not enough, as most people own multiple numbers, and a new subscription is only some cash away.

They said the existing laws appear toothless when it comes to fighting e-stalking, as some of them are more than a hundred years old.

Mustafizur Rahman, officer-in-charge of the New Market Police Station, said, "The laws require us to know the stalker's identity to take action against him. This is a major problem since in many cases the perpetrator remains unidentified."

Supreme Court lawyer Nina Goswami, director (mediation) at Ain O Salish Kendra, the rights group which has received two cyber-stalking cases this year, stresses the need for a law against cyber crimes.

"It is difficult to take action against the stalkers as there is no specific law,'' said the lawyer, herself a victim of mobile phone harassment.

A proposed act to curb cellphone-related crimes and harassment promises some respite. The draft law defines stalking, both physical and digital, as sexual harassment, and prescribes punishment.

Experts, however, fear the new law may prove ineffective, as most of the stalking incidents tend to go unreported.

Arifa Hossain says she perhaps knows why victims are reluctant to complain to the police. She went to the local police station to report abusive phone calls but thought better of it.

"You won't expect much from the cops once you see how they fumble with the mouse and eye the computer as if it's an alien thing."

A police representative admitted there is a lack of tech-savvy officers needed to hunt down high-tech criminals. He said this is a reason why the detective branch's cyber crime cell, set up in 2008, exists in name only.

Exceptional cases, however, receive special attention from the police. When a youth posted offensive materials on Facebook to taunt politicians in May, he was arrested within days and the whole social networking website was banned for a week.

"Banning an entire website is out of the question. But there should be some sort of a law or policy to safeguard our young women," said Dr Muhammad Zafar Iqbal, a professor at Shahjalal University of Science and Technology.

Experts believe fear of social stigma is another reason why victims are loath to file complaints with the police.

"Forget police, women do not tell anyone about being harassed for fear of being stigmatised," said Shamim F Karim, psychology teacher at DU. "Women, especially those in the city, have become somewhat accustomed to harassment in everyday life."

She suggested that anyone experiencing harassment over the phone or the internet should inform her family members immediately. "The family members can go to the police if necessary."

She noted that some young women, who are actually unaware that they are being subjected to a form of sexual harassment, try to laugh off the matter.

Some do not.

Trisa Gloria Rodriguez, for one, has been receiving irritating phone calls for some time. The stalker calls from different numbers and makes loud smooching noises.

She tried to reason with him, but it did not work. Yelling did not bring result either.

"Disgusting. I feel like kicking him,” says an irate Trisa